**Note: The following content has both some adult wording and potentially traumatizing wording. Discretion is advised
Movies with cringy dialogue and momentum killing scenes involving “toys” that replicate certain body parts, movies that are sequels which resemble bad Saturday morning cartoons and movies with very shoe-horned plotlines were/are all movies that happened consecutively to me, as A) Those first two things were/are applicable to “That Awkward Moment”, B) The bad Saturday morning cartoon reference was/is applicable to “Open Season 2” and C) The shoe-horned plotline observation was/is applicable to “Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull”. And not only did I assess/re-assess those three movies consecutively because in addition, they all needlessly took so much out of me that the resumption for The Flickuum Project has been moved to Memorial Day, especially since there are 19 assessments/re-assessments remaining and there’s no way I can get all of them done before Monday night. Fuck all three of those energy-sapping movies.
Unlucky seven on the Movies That Mega Tat Refuses To See page has some more company, as the movies “The Devil All The Time” and “The Offence” won’t ever get this pair of brown eyes on them. And as to why those two movies will join that unlucky group of seven, well the former has an upsetting scene about a dog dying, while the latter had the late Sean Connery going all Jerry Sandusky and I can’t bring myself to see one of my all-time favorite actors sinking to that rock-bottom depth in a movie.
The ”Challengers” void in the 2,201 through 2,215 selection protocol still hasn’t been properly filled by a new/upcoming movie, as it remains unknown when I can get instant accessibility to the sixth and seventh movies of my 2024 theatrical tour, which are “The Bikeriders” and “Kinds Of Kindness”, respectively. So, with that being said, I have decided to add “Late Night With The Devil” to my current group of assessments/re-assessments since two of my other almost immediate options in “The Tiger’s Apprentice” and “Sasquatch Sunset” will both be on hard copy 10 days from now, whereas I can stagger the third of those five movies to that selection protocol. But, in order for the third of those five movies to be staggered to that selection protocol, it needs to pass its assessment, so stay tuned.
For as much as I’m annoyed about the latest delayed resumption of The Flickuum Project being caused by those fucking movies that I alluded to in the first paragraph, there is a silver lining, which is that I have a chance to re-assess the 2023 movie “Talk To Me” before it leaves the Showtime hub of the Hulu app. And given the franchise upside that it has, I’m confident that it will do much better in its re-assessment. As a matter of fact, I think that I will re-assess that movie today.
Given how much leeway that there is between “Harley Davidson And The Marlboro Man” becoming the 2,100st overall guaranteed Flickuum movie and the 2,2200th overall guaranteed Flickuum having yet to be filled, there is still room for non-new/non-upcoming movies, thus at least another flier can be taken. So, with that being said, the computer-animated movie “Scoob!” will get the flier status, as it could have the same impact that both “Birds Of Prey And The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn” and “Spies In Disguise” had in their assessments. And since I found the “Scooby Doo!” cartoon as tolerable as “The Smurfs” cartoon as a kid, I have faith that this particular 2020 movie will pass its assessment.
No actress has had more squandered Flickuum opportunities in 2024 than Rose Byrne, as five of her movies have each fallen short in providing a good March Madness style opponent for “The Bounce Back”. However, I’m still going to keep looking for such a worthy movie, as I do believe that there is one still out there. So, with that being said, I’m going to add “This Is Where I Leave You” to my current group of assessments/re-assessments, because I think that that Rose Byrne movie can fill that particular void of a good March Madness style opponent for the Shemar Moore-Nadine Velazquez collaboration.
After seeing a plane full of chickens perish via a plane crash in the movie “Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom”, it got me thinking that pigs being dropped out of a plane via potentially safe air delivery techniques is way less traumatic by comparison. So, with that being said, I have pardoned “Air America” from the Movie-Ocrity/Dishonorable Mention page since that movie has the pigs from a plane aspect. However, the latter of the two movies is going to be in the next assessment/re-assessment marathon because there is no way that I can have accessibility to re-assess it between now and Memorial Day. Oh yes, and I was able to move quickly with this pardon via sending the 2004 movie “Hidalgo” back there, because my goodness that movie is so boring.
Exactly eight weeks ago, I made the joke “What do you call the movies Young Frankenstein and Bonnie And Clyde”, with the answer being “a pair of Genes”, as both movies have Gene Hackman and the late Gene Wilder. Yes, it’s a joke that almost no one will understand. And while I don’t like to pat myself on the back about coming up with stuff, I do like the cleverness of that double entendre. And since I like the cleverness of it, I have to justify that via allowing the latter of those two movies into The Project. The only question is which selection protocol will it make. Stay tuned.
And finally, I have a tendency to write down future assessments in the Notes app of my iPhone, with the most recent time being this past Wednesday. And as to what I wrote down via that app, well I wrote down “Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter”, due to it catching my attention via the AppleTV movies app. And as to why it caught my attention, well it’s one of those small studio released Asian movies, which I tend to gravitate towards. And since I tend to gravitate towards such movies, I’ve decided to put it on my current assessment/re-assessment roster.
Well, I’m 28 movies away from closing out the 2,101 through 2,200 selection protocol, but it’s a question if I can amass them all between now and Memorial Day. Of course, no matter how far that I get to adding to that protocol, The Flickuum Project will resume on Memorial Day, regardless.
Until the next time.